I love a good motivational quote, so this week I have put together my 5 favourite stepmum quotes that will lift you up when you are having a bad (stepmum) day.
1) YOU CAN'T FIX WHAT YOU DIDN'T BREAK
Hmmm, how true is this? Have you ever tried to 'fix' your partner's problems? Or tried to help him get along with the ex?
Maybe you have tried to fix issues with one of your stepchildren, that really should be a biological parents role?
You might have got the phrase 'You are not my Mum' thrown in your face, when all you were really trying to do was help.
Maybe you feel it is your job to make everything better again after a difficult break up.
If this is you, you are alone! I too thought I was some angel sent from heaven to magically fix the family I had entered into when I first became a stepmum.
How wrong was I!!! There is absolutely no way I can fix the past or mend something that had nothing to do with me in the first place.
Your partner's problems with the ex or not your problems. What goes on in the other home is not your business. You do not have control of the ex or how she parents.
Let it go, and focus on healing yourself. It is only when we heal ourselves, that we have any chance of healing others. Otherwise we are just going to project our own trauma and wounds onto the situation.
If you want to help, help yourself first.
2) NO ONE IS YOU, AND THAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER
How often do stepmum's put their value, emotions or needs in life, last in their stepfamily?
Sometimes we feel like the outsider, or insignificant in our own home. We may feel like our opinions or voice doesn't matter or we shouldn't have a say in what goes on in our own home, because 'we met a man with kids, so we knew what we were getting into'.
We might think they have nothing to offer, because we are 'just the stepmum'.
Don't ever fall for the trap of thinking you aren't worthy, aren't good enough or don't bring something to the table just because you aren't your stepkids biological parent or you are not the first wife.
Every single person in the world is worthy and has value and meaning.
We all have a gift to offer this world, we just need to figure out what that is if we haven't already.
What do you love? Who do you want to be in this lifetime?
Do you have any dreams or goals that don't include your stepfamily?
Have you lost yourself in the madness of being a stepmum?
No one can replace you, and you are here for a reason. Yes you are a stepmum, but you also have an important role to play on this earth.
Shine your light bright, and keep being you.
Stepmum life is going to bring out your own personal wounds - that could be lack of self worth - and you might think you don't have anything to offer to your stepfamily at times.
This is so far from the truth. You have SO much to offer your stepfamily, as well as the world.
Don't ever forget you, you cannot ever be replaced.
3) BE THE ENERGY YOU WANT TO ATTRACT
Everything in your life right now is a reflection of where you are personally. When we realise this, and learn to control our thoughts, feelings and emotions, we can then start to feel in control of our own destiny.
Want more love in your life? Then give more LOVE.
Want more forgiveness? Then FORGIVE OTHERS.
Are you seeing lots of anger and resentment around you? Well then work on your anger and resentment that you are carrying around.
Get TOTALLY honest about where you are, where your thoughts are and what feelings and emotions you are transmitting out into the world.
Is your heart open? Are you giving love and allowing yourself to receive love too?
I personally found that when I worked on me, my stepfamily life started to transform. I was no longer worried by the things that worried me before, and I didn't react to things that usually would have caused me to explode.
The way I work with my clients is that I give them the evidence based tools and techniques to manage stepfamily stressors, as well as working on their own personal emotions, feelings and mindset.
You have to transform from the inside out, if you want to see real and lasting change.
4) HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE I MAKE
If you want to be happy, well just be happy now!
How do you know you will be able when X, Y or Z happens?
You can't wait til the kids are 18, or wishing that the ex would move to the North Pole to then feel like you will be happy.
If you ever feel yourself saying, 'I will be happen when....' or 'If only X happened, then I could be happy', then you know that you need to look at learning how to be happy now, regardless of your stepfamily situation.
The truth is, nothing will change unless you do. Something that took me a LONG time to figure out was that my thoughts created my emotions. I can decide to change my thoughts, and therefore feel different emotions.
Life happens in the NOW. We create in the NOW. You have to be happy right NOW.
Don't wish your life away or wish that things were different. MAKE THE CHANGE yourself.
You really are SO much more powerful than you give credit for. You have the ability to create the life you desire and deserve, and be deliriously happy if you so choose.
You really can decide to choose happy thoughts right from this very moment. You can take action that supports your well-being, happiness and growth.
5) HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF, IS HOW YOU TEACH OTHERS TO TREAT YOU
Something that every stepmum needs to work on is her self-worth.
Nearly every 'issue' in our life, comes down to a lack of self worth or self love.
We all want to know we are worthy, we are loved and that we are valuable.
But for others to see that, we need to see it too. How can we expect others to respect us if we don't respect ourselves?
Self-care is important for stepmum's because when we feel good, are in control of our minds and thoughts and are in a calm state, we won't react at the common stepfamily stressors.
If you feel people are taking advantage of you, then some part of you, whether it is conscious or subconscious may be allowing it.
Deep down, you may not not feel worthy of being treated well. You may feel that is all you deserve.
Talk to yourself and treat yourself as if you were the most important and precious person in the world. Because that is exactly what you are.
A little tip to boost self-esteem, is to tell yourself 'well done' or praise yourself everytime you make a small win, do something nice for others or do something in the day you are proud of.
Get into the habit of praising yourself for everytime you act with love, honesty or kindness.
Focus on all the little things you are doing well throughout the day - this will help you to boost your self esteem and remind you of how wonderful you are, because you really are.
It takes a very strong person to be a stepmum. You can handle it my lovely.
I would love to know what other quotes inspire you as a stepmum?