4 STEPS TO FORGIVENESS (INCLUDING AN EXERCISE YOU CAN DO TODAY)

Wednesday 22nd April 2020

4 STEPS TO FORGIVENESS (INCLUDING AN EXERCISE YOU CAN DO TODAY)

At the time of writing this we were still on lockdown. Most of us have a little more time on our hands and room to think. I decided personally to use this as time for growth, healing and getting super clear on the type of person I wanted to be, and where I wanted my life to go.


Our intention really is everything. Wherever our focus is, our energy will go and that is the life we will begin to manifest.


I realised one of the things that can hold us back is holding onto anger, resentment and not truly forgiving another person. You know when you have completely forgiven someone else, as they can't trigger you anymore and you feel a sense of lightness and peace.


Now this doesn't mean you have to be friends with the person who has hurt you. The point of forgiveness is to free yourself up from pain that may be holding your back from reaching your potential in life.

"FORGIVE OTHERS, NOT BECAUSE THEY DESERVE FORGIVENESS, BUT BECAUSE YOU DESERVE PEACE"

This quote by Jonathan Lockwood Huie sums it all up  - you have to forgive others for your own sake, for your own healing, for your own happiness. You have to decide what kind of life you want to live, and whether you want to feel burdened by the past. My guess is no! Forgiveness is choosing not to let negative events or negative people define your present life right now. It is about looking forward and creating the life you want to live, rather than looking back with regret, anger and frustration. 


It isn't easy to forgive others I know, especially when they have done such hurtful things or behaved in a way you don't agree with.


There could be an ex-wife who continually gives you stress and makes you anxious, or you could have a step-child you has said not very nice things about you and makes you feel unwanted in your own home, or it may even be a relative or parent of yours who has hurt you growing up.


The person could be alive or passed away. You can still practice forgiveness even if they are not with us anymore.

We are all meant to live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life, and learning to forgive is one of the greatest lessons we can learn in life. We sometimes forget that life isn't meant to be as hard as we make it. A lot of the time we create our own stress and strife.


So if any of this resonates with you, here are my 4 STEPS TO FORGIVENESS if you want to be set free from the pain of the past:

1) First of all you need to identify who you need to forgive and why?

Be completely honest with yourself. Sometimes we are too scared to actually admit that someone has caused us that much pain that it is eating us up.  Our own ego may be getting in the way of forgiveness.

Who do you need to forgive now? What do you need to let go of so that you can be free?


What have they done to hurt you so much?


What feelings are coming up for you right now?

I encourage you to close your eyes and think of that person who has hurt you, but you have decided you want to forgive. What feelings are coming up? Sit with them for a few minutes, really breathing into them so that you can help to dissipate any pain and allow them to gently pass.


Now write down all the emotions that are coming up when you think of that person. What are the emotions that are tied to this person?

It is believed that different emotions can affect different body parts, for example:

ANGER can affect the LIVER.

FEAR can affect the KIDNEYS and HEART.

ANXIETY can affect the LUNGS and HEART.

2) Make a commitment and set the INTENTION that you are open and ready to forgive.

Decide that your mindset is going to be different this time around. You are going to view the situation in a completely different way.

Try and get some perspective on what the other person is going through. We really cannot get inside someone else's head but we may be able to show empathy and understanding of their situation.

Remind yourself you cannot change another's behaviour. Give up trying to hope they will change or treat you differently. They are the way they are, and you are the way you are.

Remember you can control you, and you can decide to forgive today.

3) Write a forgiveness letter.


"WHAT MATTERS IN LIFE IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, BUT WHAT YOU REMEMBER AND HOW YOU REMEMBER IT"

Gabriel Garcia Marquez


To me, this is the most important and powerful part if you have been unable to forgive someone in the past.

Energy can never be destroyed, it can only be transferred, so all those negative feelings you are feeling need to released somewhere.

I encourage you to sit down in a quiet space, light a candle and write a letter to the person you has hurt you. You will never the letter to anyone else, especially this person.


Get all your feelings out on paper. Tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them what they have done wrong to you, and why, and how it hurt you.

All those things you want to say to that person's face, but can't? Write it all down and get it all out.


Then burn it (very safely of course) and imagine and feel all these negative emotions leaving your body and being safely transferred back to the Universe/Source/Higher Power to then be transmuted back into positive energy.

Imagine what is leaving you is dark, grey energy and allow yourself then to be filled up with white healing light.


It is important that after this exercise you sit for a few minutes, closing your eyes and imagining white energy filling the body so that you don't leave a void. This energy will feel very healing and peaceful.

4) Figure out what you needed to learn from this.

I really do believe that everyone in life is meant to teach us a lesson in some way, and that lesson could be good or bad.


Now this is for you to figure out, but some lessons we could learn from others (not including the valuable life lesson of forgiveness) are:

  • Learning to set boundaries
  • Learning to say no
  • Learning to stick up for yourself
  • Learning how you wish to be treated
  • Learning you need to be kinder to yourself
  • Learning how not to treat others


You see, we are all here for a reason. We must be, mustn't we? This life must have a purpose, and so do we.

One of the other lessons in life is to figure out your purpose. Have you found yours yet?

When I became a step-mum I lost myself a little at first, it's easy to isn't it? It took a lot of strength and hard work to decide on the life I wanted to live and remember the real me.

I hope you do the same.

If you have any questions at all, please do not hesitate to email me on charlotte@charlottegough.com.


With love,



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